Cash me at the garden party, howbow dah?
Cash me at the garden party, howbow dah?
I wish I got laid more often. Continue reading
A popular post on my blog is called “Why I’m Not on Tinder.” I guess this is because so many of us are on Tinder, or some of us just like to google “Swedish bondage sex Tinder” and “Alexicat sextreme naked pics”, therefore landing on that article. Yep, those are all SEO’s to lead you straight here. Welcome, fellow dirty degenerates! You’ve come to the right place! Continue reading
The other night, a guy I kinda liked took me out for dinner. Continue reading
I have a friend who has a friend. Girl has a serious weakness for men of the “cliché-handsome-Hispanic” variety (think Enrique Iglesias, or Ricky Martin, before he was gay. Or after. She don’t discriminate.) One night, she attended a boring party in the countryside. Boring, boring, boring, everything boring. Until she saw The Actor. People parted to let this Adonis float through the crowd as if carried by wings of beauty. The fervent intent of his eyes, the swirl of dark hair that spoke not only of great DNA but also of exuberant use of Moroccan oil, the nonchalance with which he dismissed the other losers around him and instead zoned in on Girl – it was all just perfect. When he asked her out for dinner upon their mutual return to the Metropolis, she naturally said yes. Before the date,
I have a friend who has a friend. This girl is an actress, and is constantly doing research for new roles. It’s very important for every role that she’s able to get into character and really understand the psychology behind the person she is playing.
One day, her agent called her with the magic words: She got the part!
As a sex addict. Continue reading
I have a friend who has a friend. Her babe-like qualities regularly garners attention from the opposite sex, and the night I’m about to tell you about was no exception.
She had been flirting with this particular guy for a while, and she was totally into him. The guy in question was some sort of Officer in the military. I think my friend, at this moment in time, was a little bit awe-struck by the prospect of sleeping with a loyal servant of Queen and Country. A lot of tequila, and thoughts like “Just think how dapper he looks in that uniform!” went through her head that night, and when he pulled the final move on her, she just couldn’t resist.
“I can give you a private view of the Queen’s stable. I’ll let you in where no woman has been!” Continue reading
I have a friend who has a friend. One morning, she woke up from her beauty sleep feeling happy and rejuvenated. She lived on the top floor of the building, and when the post man came to deliver the mail, he just dropped it outside her door. This morning, when she opened her door to retrieve her mail, a little accident happened… She had stepped outside to get the mail- mostly bills and a reminder to go to the dentist- wearing only the thong and Continue reading
I have a friend who has a friend who started having casual sex with a super hot guy who she had no interest in dating for real: he worked at Hard Rock Cafe and he lived in a… parking lot? Park bench? Somewhere we don’t wish to go. Now, she made the classic mistake of thinking “Oh, its only sex, it’s fine”. NO NO NO! A lady may never reason like this, because it’s never just sex. And I’m not talking about feelings here. My friend of a friend walked away with way more than she bargained for, when she discovered that she had SCABIES! All over her back! (Probably because she spent so much time on it) Yeah.
(im)moral of the story: Not that I wanna stereotype but… Hard Rock Cafe = Scabies.
I have a friend who has a friend who used to live in a house with three French dudes- total New Girl scenario. She has this guy that she sometimes gets freaky with, and this weekend, they’d had a total Sexcapade. The man in question is a German stud, pictured above. The two had spent the previous night drinking heavily, followed by head-twirling passions only the truly amorous can understand. So when he woke up in the morning to go to the bathroom, I think it’s safe to say that maybe he hadn’t fully woken up, because as he was walking back to the Girl’s room, he took a wrong turn in this house of many winding and confusing corridors (not). He entered a bedroom and Continue reading